LIfe as a dreamer
What's on the plate? Well here it is. Life is like a box of nails. Useful, sometimes helpful, but very sharp and smelly. Why do I feel this way? Simple. I have come to realize that no matter what I do, no one will ever know whats up with me. What do I think about, what drives me, what makes me...me.
Why is that so important to me now? At this point in my life?
Another simple answer.
No one knows me.
The importance of this is that if I were to die tomorrow, every hope and dream I had would be unknown. Bear in mind that this is different from aspirations. Everyone knows what I want to do. But no one really knows the why.
After spending some time with my grandma today, I realized that no one in our family really knows her. She's very kind, gentle, and most of all funny! She likes to talk and joke around. But she doesnt really have anyone to do that with. My cousins are not really talkative and everyone else is very busy. So I try to make as much time for her, especially now, because she won't be around much longer. A very sad fact. I am definitely glad to be able to spend time with her now. The lunches and the stories she shares while we're eating. I regret that I didn't spend more time with her in the past when she was able to remember more things about her life. How she grew up and got married at 19 so that she wouldnt be taken to Japan. How she raised a large family, I beleive the original number was somewhere in the teens, but many of them died during the war and most from the lack of food and medicines.
The stories I do remember is of how she basically started a pseudo restaurant so she can bring in money to raise the kids they have. This flows down to my dad, her only son, among many daughters, who makes some of hte best foods because of this. But that's besides the point.
So here's what it boils down to. All of this family history is going to be lost because none of us know what happened back then within our family history. The sad part is that since photographs were expensive we do not have a lot of pictures from that time. Just a couple of my grandma and grandpa when they got married.
So why is this important now? I feel totally disconnected from most people, especially family beacuse we really don't know each other. Each of us have gone through our own hardships, but none of us really know about them, yet, its those same hardships that shaped us.
My father had to be the "man" of the house when he was barely in jr high school, because his father commited suicide when he was 12. So my dad began to work and take odd jobs and do whatever he could to help put his sisters through school and keep food on the table.
Then there's my mom. Who I never knew was essentially adopted. I found this out very recently. I had always wondered why her and her sisters don't look alike, except for one, and it turns out that her and her eldest sister (whom past away a few years ago) were left in korea during the war. Her adopted mother had taken them both in because she had found them on the streets fending for themselves with whatever. I forgot how old she said she was, but she was very young, but old enough to remember.
But you see, no one really knows these things in our family because these things aren't spoken about. It takes a few beers and a round of golf for my dad to talk about these things while we sit in the backyard grilling up some steaks. He talks about how he grew up, his adventures in the army being a 'special agent' and how he and his friends used to run amok.
These memories are great, but now its my turn.
I'm a dreamer. I'm a family-centric man. I enjoy living on the edge.
Now back to my story. Most people know that I am trying to create a company that will be on par with Starbucks. Ideally, once I get the chains and franchises going, I can see Starbucks buying us out because they are unable to increase their growth by staying in tea and their Tazo line just blows. But my motives aren't about money. Yes its nice, but the real reason why I want Paper Street to succeed is because of what it will allow me to do. Retire my parents, because their old, made a bunch of sacrifices and they need a break. Buy my aunt one of those Dean Kamen wheelchairs that can go up stairs and stuff along with a car where she can wheel into and drive off. Hook up my brother so that his business can grow. Hook up my friends so they can make their dreams into reality. Last but not least, hook myself up so that I am able to get all of my little projects off the ground.
But lately, because of the way the business is going, these dreams seem to be getting further and further. This has definitely saddened me, but I know that I can do it. Just need another year. The numbers are getting better and we're decreasing our operational expenses.
Aside from the business aspects of my life which is pretty much my life, I find that I tend to live inside myself. Before you find that weird, it's that I tend to daydream a lot. I know this is because I find the real world boring but also because I'd go mad if I didnt with all of the things I need to do.
My friends think that life is passing me by. They are partially right. But I know that I'm planning for my future along with laying the foundations for my family. On the other hand, I don't see how it's fun going to a bar, getting trashed, and then vomiting the next day is any fun.
Oye, gotta do some work. I'll write more of my thoughts later as my other personalities are getting restless.
Why is that so important to me now? At this point in my life?
Another simple answer.
No one knows me.
The importance of this is that if I were to die tomorrow, every hope and dream I had would be unknown. Bear in mind that this is different from aspirations. Everyone knows what I want to do. But no one really knows the why.
After spending some time with my grandma today, I realized that no one in our family really knows her. She's very kind, gentle, and most of all funny! She likes to talk and joke around. But she doesnt really have anyone to do that with. My cousins are not really talkative and everyone else is very busy. So I try to make as much time for her, especially now, because she won't be around much longer. A very sad fact. I am definitely glad to be able to spend time with her now. The lunches and the stories she shares while we're eating. I regret that I didn't spend more time with her in the past when she was able to remember more things about her life. How she grew up and got married at 19 so that she wouldnt be taken to Japan. How she raised a large family, I beleive the original number was somewhere in the teens, but many of them died during the war and most from the lack of food and medicines.
The stories I do remember is of how she basically started a pseudo restaurant so she can bring in money to raise the kids they have. This flows down to my dad, her only son, among many daughters, who makes some of hte best foods because of this. But that's besides the point.
So here's what it boils down to. All of this family history is going to be lost because none of us know what happened back then within our family history. The sad part is that since photographs were expensive we do not have a lot of pictures from that time. Just a couple of my grandma and grandpa when they got married.
So why is this important now? I feel totally disconnected from most people, especially family beacuse we really don't know each other. Each of us have gone through our own hardships, but none of us really know about them, yet, its those same hardships that shaped us.
My father had to be the "man" of the house when he was barely in jr high school, because his father commited suicide when he was 12. So my dad began to work and take odd jobs and do whatever he could to help put his sisters through school and keep food on the table.
Then there's my mom. Who I never knew was essentially adopted. I found this out very recently. I had always wondered why her and her sisters don't look alike, except for one, and it turns out that her and her eldest sister (whom past away a few years ago) were left in korea during the war. Her adopted mother had taken them both in because she had found them on the streets fending for themselves with whatever. I forgot how old she said she was, but she was very young, but old enough to remember.
But you see, no one really knows these things in our family because these things aren't spoken about. It takes a few beers and a round of golf for my dad to talk about these things while we sit in the backyard grilling up some steaks. He talks about how he grew up, his adventures in the army being a 'special agent' and how he and his friends used to run amok.
These memories are great, but now its my turn.
I'm a dreamer. I'm a family-centric man. I enjoy living on the edge.
Now back to my story. Most people know that I am trying to create a company that will be on par with Starbucks. Ideally, once I get the chains and franchises going, I can see Starbucks buying us out because they are unable to increase their growth by staying in tea and their Tazo line just blows. But my motives aren't about money. Yes its nice, but the real reason why I want Paper Street to succeed is because of what it will allow me to do. Retire my parents, because their old, made a bunch of sacrifices and they need a break. Buy my aunt one of those Dean Kamen wheelchairs that can go up stairs and stuff along with a car where she can wheel into and drive off. Hook up my brother so that his business can grow. Hook up my friends so they can make their dreams into reality. Last but not least, hook myself up so that I am able to get all of my little projects off the ground.
But lately, because of the way the business is going, these dreams seem to be getting further and further. This has definitely saddened me, but I know that I can do it. Just need another year. The numbers are getting better and we're decreasing our operational expenses.
Aside from the business aspects of my life which is pretty much my life, I find that I tend to live inside myself. Before you find that weird, it's that I tend to daydream a lot. I know this is because I find the real world boring but also because I'd go mad if I didnt with all of the things I need to do.
My friends think that life is passing me by. They are partially right. But I know that I'm planning for my future along with laying the foundations for my family. On the other hand, I don't see how it's fun going to a bar, getting trashed, and then vomiting the next day is any fun.
Oye, gotta do some work. I'll write more of my thoughts later as my other personalities are getting restless.
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